"Uh oh." I said. This didn't look good.
The day had started out promising. It was an early Sunday Morning and no one in my house was awake. I sat in the living room, watching television and eating Cap'n Crunch™, which is strictly forbidden in my house. But like I said no one was awake yet so I was safe. Plus I'm grown so technically I can do what the hell I want.
As long as my wife doesn't find out.
I munched happily and watched the commercials. A stark, white lab appeared. A White man in a lab coat stood behind a Black man who sat at a desk watching a printer. My Spidey sense started to tingle.
"Please print the document." The lab technician directed. "Uh oh" I said. The pages quickly started feeding out of the printer, The Black man bucked his eyes widely, "Wow! Yes! GO! GO! GO! GO!" He yelled at the printer "No! Please, please, please!" I whispered to the television. The lab technician quietly jotted down his notes. "OH MAN DO YOU SEE THIS! THIS IS INCREDIBLE MAN! WHOO!!!" The Black man whooped in amazement. The titles came up with a voiceover. I shut my eyes tight and prayed, "Please God no! Please God! Don't let him do it!" I pleaded. The titles cut away and there it was.
The Black man was dancing in front of the printer.
I sank into the couch and folded my arms, sulking and mumbling to myself. Shortly after that, another commercial came on for the movie Enchanted. The handsome prince had just plunged a large sword into a bus, mistaking it for a terrifying monster. The bus driver, a large Black woman with wild hair stomped menacingly down the aisle of the bus. I threw my arm over my face to shield my eyes. "DON'T NOBODY STAB MY BUS!!!" The Black woman yelled.
It was 8:27 am. I got up from the couch and went back to bed.
Later, my wife saw the cereal bowl in the living room and I got in trouble.
Goddamn Enchanted. Goddamn Epsonality.