“F*ck that! I ain’t going out like that!” I said to myself. I made an appointment with Dr. Juliet E. K. Walker.
Tricia: What are you doing? Why are you looking off into space?
Me: I'm trying to decide what I want to think about.
Me: Morgan, I need you to go cut the grass
Morgan: Ok, I just need to finish loading my playlist with old-negro spirituals.
If a kid says he wants to be a dentist or The Vice President, don't play with that kid. He's going to be boring.
Me: You don't have to listen to me now, but you will hear what I've said later.
Taylor: I know that. That's the way this works.
Taylor: One time my teacher said, "You know, sometimes I think you guys like the other teacher more than me. Some people in class were like, "Nooooo! We like you!" And other people were like, "No. You're right. We do like him better."
Morgan: And then smart people were like, "Why do you care? We're children. Half of us don't know how to do laundry."
Being over 40 means,
coming to terms with that fact
that you just might be wrong.
The difference between
how dope you think you are
and how dope you really are, is ego.
Morgan: You know what they say, "Flap jack potato skins"
Me: Ha! "Flap jack potato skins!"... What does that even mean?!!... "Flap jack potato skins", Ha!.. I don't even... Nobody says that... Do they?... "Flap jack potato skins", Ha!...Is that a thing?...
Morgan: I just made it up but now I've got you saying it, so yeah, now it's a thing.
Tricia (ranting about work): Ugh! I'm really upset with myself! I should have caught that error before now!!!
Morgan: Imagine yourself on the beach of a tropical island. All of a sudden, there is a puppy in your hands and his name is, "Worry".
You then throw him into the ocean.
...To begin, smoking is bad for your health. It can kill you! For some smart people, I could just say that and they would quit, but some people are too ignorant to stop so now I'm forced to throw a bunch of statistics at you.
...“The good news is, you’re a decent writer.” “Thanks.”, I said.
“The bad news is, you don’t exist.”
“Wait... Is this your coded way of telling me that I now have invisible-ghostly powers? Suhweet!!!”