I called my friend Audwin The Black Belt the morning of March 18th, the day of Barack Obama's speech, A More Perfect Union.

Me: Aud.

Audwin The Black Belt: What's up man?

Me: Did you hear? Your boy is giving a speech this morning on race.

ATBB: Yeah.

Me: You know what this means right?

ATBB: Ummmm…

Me: It means were doomed!!!

ATBB: What do you mean?

Me: He's giving a speech about race!

ATBB: Yeah…

Me: In America!

ATBB: Yeah…

Me: This is not going to come out well. There's no way to talk about race in America without people getting pissed off. White Folks don't want to hear about racism and Black Folks get mad that White Folks don't want to hear about it.

ATBB: Well if there's anyone who can speak to both sides of the issue in an even-handed way, he can. He's got experiences in both worlds.

Me: No. White Folks see him as a Black man so no matter what he says they're going to think he's just being sympathetic to Black Folks.

ATBB: Well, I do think this is the speech that's either going to make or break him. But I'm pretty sure he can pull it off.

Me: No! It's going to break him and we're all doomed!

ATBB: Don't you think you're being just a little bit dramatic?

Me: No. I think you're not being dramatic enough!!!

ATBB: OK. I gotta finish getting ready for work. I'll talk to you later.

Me (whimpering): doomed.

I call Audwin The Black Belt an hour after the greatest speech ever given by man, woman or child.

Me: Hey Aud.

ATBB: Yeah.

Me: Ummmmm… Remember all that stuff I said this morning?

ATBB: Yeah.

Me: Nevermind.

ATBB: Uh huh.

Stuff they never tell you about marriage

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