H. and the Bromeliad



My good friend Heather is an extremely talented actress. Sometimes, I'm surprised she's still my friend. That's how talented she is. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if the following were to happen:

H. (on the phone): Oh hey, I just realized I'm way too talented to be hanging around the likes of you. So I'm not going to anymore.

Me: Oh… OK then. Wow, I knew this would happen someday, ha ha… Ummm well, it was great while it last…

H.: *click* hummmmmmmm

Me: …ted…

A few years ago she was working for a non-profit agency. As is often the case, she was the only Black person working there. She walked into her boss' office. Noticing the flower sitting on the desk, Heather commented, "What a beautiful Bromeliad that is." Her boss dropped her pen and gaped at her.

Heather, not understanding the look, quickly wiped her face to remove any stray boogers. (This is an obvious dramatization as it is common knowledge that girls don't have boogers.) Seeing none, she deduced that the only other reason for the perplexed look was that some evil monstrosity had snuck up behind her and she was now in grave danger! She swirled around quickly, striking her best kung-fu pose in order to confront the looming, freak-of-nature.

To Heathers' surprise, nothing was there. Which is just as well because she does not know kung-fu.

"Heather!", Her boss said excitedly. "I am so impressed that you know that name of my plant!!!"

"Oh…", Heather said, "That… Oh well…"

"I mean it Heather! That is absolutely amazing!!!" She gushed.

"Yeah… I guess…"

"Seriously Heather. I just can't tell you how impressed I am that you know that!"

"Yeah." Heather mumbled to herself,

"Don't be too impressed cuz I'm 'bout to get offended."

Adventures in the UK

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